Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Lack of Oxygen

As you read this list of song titles, I want to think about their meaning. 

Take my breathe away - Berlin (Not Jessica Simpson)
No Air - Jordin Sparks
The Air That I Breathe - The Hollies

Now let me take this and spin it to what I think they really mean. 

I am one of the 1/3 Americans (according to a survey I made up for this blog) that suffer from Sleep Apnea, we know the truth behind these lyrics. Let me lay out a scenario for you. 

I (in a timely fashion) ready myself for bed. The covers are pulled back, the pillows are fluffed and I lay down on the left side of my bed (its my routine, and its adorable). The right side of my bed stays pretty well untouched throughout the night. As I sort through the veritable bevy of late 90's alt rock/pop lyrics, I slowly fade. As the eyelids get heavy and my body is winding down, I take deep, drawn-out breaths. A couple of minutes and I will be in a cylce of sleep........

But just when I get that, my body laughs, it says, and I quote, "Haha, you think your lungs will still work then you aren't conscious? You are wrong!" And right then, the struggle for my life begins. For the next eight hours, I experience things that can't be seen unless on an operation table at the hospital. I go up to a minute without breathing and just when its almost too late, I fight through and make it to the next breath!

And that is why I hate Jessica Simpson...oh, you don't follow me? Her (awful, horrendous, terrible, pathetic) remake of a great song is a slap in the face. It isn't music that she is singing, it is a blend of fear and sadness. 

Thank you Jessica Simpson! You have taken what was once treasured and turned it into a mockery.

 

3 comments:

Amiee Celeste said...

You are rediculous! :)

Anonymous said...

Ive farted better and more coherent posts than this.

johnnybrower said...

i, too, suffered from sleep apnea.
i understand your pain.
and the better cover of that song was performed by Copeland.